I was never baby hungry or in a hurry to have kids. When we got married, my husband and I agreed we wanted children but there was no timeline. When we realized we didn't have any more reasons to continue putting off having children, we decided it was then or never. Apparently it was meant to be "then" rather than "never" because I was pregnant the next month. Fast forward four years and I now have two amazing little girls that call me "mommy." I could list a hundred clichés about being a parent and how it changes you or how you don't know what it's like until you call yourself a parent, but I think you get the idea. Yet there are days when it is not easy or I just can't wait for bedtime and I forget for a minute how lucky I really am. Then I get a few reminders. It's only Wednesday, but this week has already been packed with reminders of how precious those two little girls are and how lucky I am to get to watch them literally grow up a little each day.
The first reminder came the other night when my husband told me he read Elizabeth Smart's testimony of her kidnapping ordeal. He said she was raped at least once every day. We discussed how lucky (if you can even use that word to describe any part of her ordeal) it was that she did not get pregnant. That led to a discussion about what if she had gotten pregnant and the emotions that would have gone along with it. In that situation, would you love the baby at all? It brought the emotions I felt at the births of my own children so close to the surface as I tried to imagine the emotions of an unwanted pregnancy, which is so foreign to me.
The next day, I learned of a baby just a month younger than my littlest that had drowned in the bathtub, arrived DOA at the hospital but was revived and is still in critical condition. As I read the story on the family's blog, I was overwhelmed with emotion. It reminded me how precious those little lives are and how responsible I am as a parent.
Then yesterday I heard my 3-year-old waking from her nap and went to peek in at her. Her door was open just a crack and her room is arranged so I could see her but she could not see me. I watched for about 5 minutes while she stretched, yawned, shivered, moved from her bed to her floor, shivered again as she adjusted to the cool air after leaving the warm cocoon of her bed. She talked to herself quietly, pulled her blankie down from the bed and curled up with it on the floor. As I witnessed those few minutes that I don't normally get to be a part of, I was again overwhelmed by how much I love that little person.
I'm sorry if this is a little discombobulated, but I am not good at putting my thoughts into words when they are so charged with emotion. But I warned you from the start of this blog that I am not only a runner but also a mom and that you might find some of that here as well. I'm not sure what the point of this is other than maybe to remind you to take a minute to think about how lucky you are to be a mother, father, wife, husband, daughter, son, sister or brother.