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Thursday, May 6, 2010

Kids and Sugar Cookies

I finally tore myself away from searching for cheap flights (there aren't any) to New York so I could write this. Apparently this is not the time to book a flight to the Big Apple, but I'm not sure how much longer to hold out for a good deal before I just give in and pay a ridiculous amount. So if you hear of any amazing deals to any New York City area airport, let me know.

I didn't make my way over to Blogger to talk about my flight search woes though. Today I am going to (finally) answer one of the questions I didn't include in my 100th post because I thought it needed a little extra attention.

Jesse asked... I know everyone seems to say that having kids was one of their best decisions, makes them so happy..., but if you are completely honest with yourself, do you miss having a traditional career? How hard is it for you to have an identity outside of being a "mom"?

If I am completely honest, I can say I don't miss having a traditional career. I admit I miss things about it, things like the daily adult interactions and conversations and business trips to new places. But I wouldn't trade it for what I have now, and having kids was one of the best decisions I've ever made, as cliché as that sounds.

I am, however, lucky to be able to continue my career at home, on my terms and on my time. I think that has been important in allowing me to have an identity outside of being a mom. And even if I didn't work, I think the key to maintaining an identity as a person and not just a parent is allowing yourself to have interests and passions that are your own. Running is a perfect example of this in my life. I can't let myself feel guilty about it or it wouldn't ever happen.

Like everything in life, being a mom is about finding the balance. I know mothers who are mothers and that is it. Their marriages have suffered or dissolved and they have no identity beyond who and what they are to their children. I know other women who openly resent or neglect their children, and you can tell they had kids because they thought they should or because they didn't think at all.

I have said before that I didn't make the decision to become a parent lightly, even the second time around. I will also say this again: it was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

I guess that wasn't as hard or as lengthy as I expected, but I hope I answered the question.

RUN: Sugar cookies, just one of the reasons I run.

(This was one of my 4-year-old's creations yesterday. Mine had a little less frosting and sprinkles.)


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  2. I am looking for air tickets to go back home - Singapore. And so far, the air fares are outrageously expensive! I am close to giving up.
    I would love to be a mom now, and it is something that I have considered for a while now. But it isn't happening yet.

  3. Candice - I love this post. And I probably could have written it. I too would not want a traditional career. I want to be home with my kids and they are one of the best decisions I have made. You hit it dead on. You need to find a way to be more than just someone's mom. You need to do things for yourself. My running is definitely that for me ...

  4. Great post! To Jesse, you WILL NOT lose your identity if you have things that are your own and are important to you. For some it's running, others it may be a career, knitting, getting together with friends, ANYTHING! I am a new mom of 6 months and I don't think I lost my identity at all. My career in PR and as a dietitian is one small part of me and I would never want my career to define me. When you have children there are still so many things you can do that will enhance your identity, whether it be running, traveling, writing, etc. If anything, my identity has grown and diversified in ways I never imagined.

  5. Awesome post! I struggled initially with being at home because I thought that I was so "needed" at work. Once I realized that anyone can fill a seat and perform a job, it made me realize what was important. My life before was my job and moving upward, but now I have so many other things that make up who I am rather than just that one thing. The career defined me, but now so much more makes up the definition of who I am. I think I am a much better person for it.

  6. Awesome post! I love being a mom and a wife! Love the cute sugar cookie!! Nothing like a glob of frosting with TONS of sprinkles :)

  7. Thanks for the great response to my question. Seems like you have a good balance in your life. Perhaps my wife and I are just surrounded by people who are lacking such balance, and that's why the worries of becoming "just a mom" are evident.

  8. wow that cookie looks amazing. I have to admit when I first read the title to this post I thought you were going to be talking about kids AND sugar cookies (like... the consequences) lol. I like the actual post much better :D.

    Great job :D


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